You can't motorboat a personality
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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