you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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