DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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