I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Are we still banned from the library?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
