just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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