Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
