I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize