Where did you get a picture of my penis
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
