I want to stick my p in your. b.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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