ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize