Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize