There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
