I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
