you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
