whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
