she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
