it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
