i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
