so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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