YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
