9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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