and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
