Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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