I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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