Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
