Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
