filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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