my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
