Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
