That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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