i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
