Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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