If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
