I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
