I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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