I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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