the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
