I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize