Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
