Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
