ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
