3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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