I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I want a musical about memes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
