yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
