I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
