My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
