she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize