my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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