Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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