guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
