PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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