what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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