I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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