and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
