I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
