I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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