so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
