good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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