well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
