Just fell off a train. Bad.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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