"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
