My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
