you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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