Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
