I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
