one two three fourrrrnication!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
