Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
