I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
