My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
