Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
