you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
