Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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