I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You're like the curious george of whores
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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